"I came across some videos of Karen and Leslie Desmond at a point in my horsemanship where I had reached a dead end.
I had my dream horse, a 4 year old, just backed PRE (Spanish) stallion. But I couldn’t ride him. Or lead him. Or lunge him. And I was teaching other people horsemanship and about training horses in-hand and under saddle, so it wasn’t good on many fronts.
Today that horse, Tycoon, and I went out in the Devon drizzle wandering around the lanes, relaxed, content and un-afraid and that is more than I ever thought was going to be possible. I am hugely grateful, and I know the thanks have to go to Karen; and she’s never even met us in person!
On the day Tycoon arrived with me he panicked about something when being led in, hit the end of the lead rope and took off. He is a very powerful horse and I didn’t have a hope in hell of stopping him. He did that on and off most days for about 6 months. I spent many an evening trudging around darkened fields while he tore about with a lead rope trailing behind him. On the lunge if he got scared he ran off dragging me with him, and under saddle more of the same.
In the end, two years into our time together, despite huge amounts of progress on the ‘training ‘ front (we could now do all lateral work in walk and trot, walk to canter transitions, jump etc.) I decided to stop riding him as he was too dangerous. He was fine when he was fine, but when something worried him he was out of there at high speed. No amount of pressure could hold him. No amount of ‘familiarisation’ exercises really got to the heart of it. I couldn’t keep him on the aids when he was really worried, which made me realise my aids were meaningless really. They just lay on the surface of this horse, but when he wanted to leave that was it...
I turned him away and got on with my other horses, knowing I was missing something important. Then one wet day I sat and watched all of Karen’s videos, and watched them again and again. And I went out, put a halter on Tycoon and in a very rudimentary fashion had a go at offering a release when he went to panic about something (pretty much most man-made objects in unfamiliar places/funny noises/traffic/rocks etc.) . And something significant happened in that he stopped trying to run. He was still worried, but something about the feeling of release enabled him to stay. I was surprised to say the least...
Then I took virtual lessons with Karen and the changes in that particular horse, and my horsemanship, have been immense. If I was rich enough I would fly to the states once a month to hassle her for more of this stuff!
Since then, my other horse and I have been accepted on the instructor programme with French Classical Master Philippe Karl. I am certain that some of the reason we were chosen was because of the work I have done with Karen. He is a great horse, but inclined to be very sharp and somewhat tense – he can be obedient, but not soft.
Some of the ‘small things’ that Karen has had me explore with him have started to trickle their way into his way of being and have significantly changed how he feels about humans.
It is an ongoing job and in some ways trickier than Tycoon (who was so desperate for something different he just jumped in with all four hooves!) but I am confident that with Karen’s virtual help we will chip our way back to the inside of this glorious horse.
When Philippe said about our ridden work, ‘If your horse trusts your hands as much as this you can do anything’, I was pretty sure that I needed to send my thanks again to my mentor in the states – this feeling of release has helped us under saddle as much as on the ground."
Kate Sandel, Des and (RIP) Tycoon
As a dear student Bid Webb reflected in a daze about her changed partnership so aptly put it, “It’s not the little things, it’s the BIG things IN the little things.”
We were chatting at the end of our deep-dive clinic into the questions that are on the minds of many a horse-lover:
“How do I reach that part of my horse
he seems to guard from me or hold inside?
Why does he do that?”
“How can I better communicate
without relying on escalating pressure
to get what I really want?”
“Why does my horse not truly trust me?”
“Can I have and be a true partner
and also… um… STILL be the one in control?”
Adjusting even one seemingly small particle of feel can make a huge difference for your horse – with one key detail: the change must inspire a meaningful shift in the horse.
Right. With the wisdom to know the difference. This can be the deeper, less obvious part!
That’s where we bring guidance to refine your connection in ways that matter to your horse. It’s a bit like being handed a finer set of brushes so you can express what you’d like with more precision, and shift away from the reliance on escalating pressure for results.
Instead, develop connection that touches your horse on the inside and flows through his feet, with his or her mind in your fingertips.
With feedback from horses and students in person and through virtual coaching in several countries since 2015, we together mine, refine, define and structure how to get good at this step by step, with the detail you need to do it yourself.
The trail has been cleared and carefully mapped out for you! Now you need a little time (less than you think) and focus to resolve partnership connection glitches – even if you’ve been stuck for a long time – so you can enjoy getting into flow with your horse, and explore that deeper place of partnership we seek.
And it's much more fun when we are in this together x.
Have you ever wondered why something in your connection with your horse doesn't seem to improve? Or a particular challenge keeps coming up, despite your best efforts? Do you find yourself losing inspiration or at times even wonder if you will "ever get it"?
Funny how a particular horse comes along to help us reach a deeper place in them (and us), even if it takes a while for us to find it.
After struggling for a long time with Chase, I got pretty convinced he wasn't so interested in a connected partnership with me. I was wrong though. He was just showing the way to something more:
"That's not it Karen... go deeper"
But how? I searched and searched for what I was missing.
“No, it's not YOU... it's your presentation"
Ok, what do I need to change?
It took a long time for me to get Chase's real point:
"I'm right here, ready to connect, if only you were there on the other end!"
Of course I was there reaching for that connection, but I missed the key to it all: I was not offering the feel I wanted from my end and I hadn't understood how to consciously establish Connection Flow.
Being a "better leader" isn't limited to finessing and reducing our use of pressure. It's in a horse's nature to understand pressure, but it's equally in their nature to seek connection. Why not get good at that and lead from there?
When we invite connection in a way that inspires our horse to reciprocate, we don't need to "be the boss" or a born leader, because when we engage with their mind, the horse is instinctively ready to follow our feel (without the conventional use of pressure first to release).
Fred Estaire didn’t pressure Ginger Rogers to shape herself and move her feet. He likely didn’t focus on a mistake either. Can you imagine! He blended and guided the flow within a two-way feel they both understood and trusted.
It just makes everything easier – and more beautiful. And more fun.
When we bring qualities to the partnership that have instinctive value to our horse, it means more. Feel is the direct line to the horse. We reach the mind, the heart, spirit. We get to know what each other is made of and what we can rely on in each other. And we have each other's back.
When an active, good feeling Connection Flow is our priority and our practice, it becomes our horse's expectation. Expectations are at the core of our horse's responses when challenges inevitably arise.
When that good Connection Flow is familiar, we reach for and find each other in that connection – because we know from experience it will feel better – and sort things out from there. Overcoming challenges this way builds mutual trust, even when a change must happen immediately.
It is an opportunity to shift the focus away from the grey of correcting what just went wrong or waiting for something that isn’t right yet, while missing the place in between – this moment, right now, where our horse is.
As a student put it: "You have shown me Wonderland". It's really the horses who are showing us, in their invitation to reach a little deeper and discover another way to lead, to be in control, and a different kind of unshakeable confidence in each other. A confidence not dependent on courage or bravery but from knowing what our horse is made of and our horse knowing the same about us. And from being blown away by what our horse will do for us, when it really matters.
It's an invitation to be more of who we are in our horsemanship (and life) as we enjoy the "more" in our horse we sometimes have trouble reaching or discovering at all. Once felt, as so many have said, there's no turning back.
Every horse is different, every person is different and every situation is different. So, if everything is different, all the time, you might well be wondering how it’s possible to find your way, unless you’re “born with it”.
Fortunately, everything in nature has principles. Developing good Connection Flow for closer communication and ease of connection is no exception. And where there are principles, there are clear practices - within which we can be uniquely creative.
You have feel and you have intuition, as sure as gravity holds your feet to the ground. It's a law of nature. It just is so - get ready :)
Conventionally, the horse learns from our carefully timed release of pressure. He learns the pattern and responds to lighter pressure. Sometimes the horse is also rewarded with food. We work with release in a number of forms without the need for pressure first to release. It works differently so it doesn’t go against what the horse knows. You get to keep the conditioned responses you like and re-work the ones your horse may have learned, which do not serve your purposes now.
When a horse has learned something in a past environment or training style or we just made a mistake or didn't realize something, seeking to resolve the problem with the same strategy that created it often doesn't work or results do not last. This is because the old response tends to be triggered (sometimes even before you've actively made the request) and the horse is simply not able to be receptive because he or she is on auto-pilot, running the old "tape" and unable to focus on now.
For a real and lasting solution, we need to offer a different feel that inspires and builds a completely new response, without triggering the old behavior. It's a fascinating way to work that results in deep releases as old mind and body patterns are by-passed and re-shaped.
If you seek a closer way of communicating and an ease of connection you can rely on, even when things get tricky, what you will find here is the roadmap and support you need to understand the principles and practices of working with connection in your own handling and riding.
There is always more on this epic path with horses.
It's my mission to help horse/rider partnerships find their way together, as I remain a forever student myself.
There is SO much more to enjoy in our horses when we stop trying to be a better "boss" leader - especially when that does not come naturally - and bring more of ourselves into being the kind of leader our horse enjoys. It feels different when our horses follow our lead because there is meaning for him/her within a good Connection Flow, not because things will get uncomfortable if they don't. In the end, it is the feel of the connection between you that defines the partnership, because it reflects the moments that have added up to the horse's expectation of us.
So why not get really good at inviting, initiating, maintaining and restoring connection, even in more challenging situations? When the connection is good, everything else is easier - and safer.
We get to know our horses so much better (and ourselves in the process), as we explore three inter-connected areas.
Each area activates an important shift in strategy through detailed step-by-step practices. Together they guide the process of initiating and maintaining a close communication in Flow with your horse.
Remember it’s the little things that work together to produce big changes in your partnership. Worry not! The what, why and how are defined in detail. And because everything is connected, when you refine your skill in one detail in one area, it benefits the whole. Perfection is not required!
When these small changes in mindset, focus and technique are practiced “well enough, enough of the time and for long enough” (as my students often hear me say) your horse’s view of you and the partnership naturally shifts into a new zone.
So you can snuggle down and enjoy the ride at your own pace, knowing where you are in the process and what to do next!
"Because there's always more..."
What small aspect of Feel could you change right now to help your horse?
Refine your Feel in this series of one-on-one video sessions with Karen
to help guide your journey forward
Give yourself a little extra quality time!
Your horse will be grateful :)
STARTS October 15th - Registration is OPEN
Join us to explore a set of Focused Feel Practices that add meaning and precision
to the communication between you and your horse,
as you "reach deeper to reach deeper" in your connection.
Course Currently Closed - New Dates TBA